The Elevated Church of the Good Bean
TECotGB founder: D. Blankenship
Established in 2017
TECotGB tenets are a work in progress.
Additions, deletions, and modifications should be expected.
Some of our firmly held beliefs are:
Coffee is a sacrament.
Coffee urns, carafes, et al. are holy objects.
If a beverage contains any coffee it may be considered sacred.
Decaf is an abomination and must be shunned.
Visiting a coffee shop should always be described as "engaging in fellowship".
Nectar of the Good Bean is an appropriate beverage for any time of day or night.
It is necessary to carry with us at all times and in all places a canteen, thermos, or other receptacle (i.e. Holy Object) filled with our sacrament; trying to prevent this is religious bigotry and should be considered a hate crime.
TECotGB Position Paper:
TECotGB, as an organization, takes no position on the existence or non-existence of any deity, spirit, supreme being, or other variety of incorporeal entity.
As long as a person is willing and able to acknowledge the sanctity of the Good Bean and the Nectar derived therefrom, any other modes of spirituality practiced by said person are his or her own business having no bearing whatsoever on matters as they pertain to TECotGB.
TECotGB does not and will not require anyone to renounce or disavow any affiliation with or membership in any particular religious organization or spirituality-based belief system.
If someone is unable or unwilling to respect the tenets of TECotGB for whatever reason, that is their prerogative and should not be viewed unkindly or with prejudice.
Whether you acquire your coffee as whole beans, pre-ground, or already brewed the important thing is having Nectar of the Good Bean.
Likewise whether you prefer your coffee unadulterated, with a splash of creamer, flavored, or as a minor ingredient in a mixed beverage the important thing is having Nectar of the Good Bean.
It matters not if you percolate, pod, press, or purchase your Nectar of the Good Bean as a finished product. It is all sacred and should be praised.
Members of TECotGB must not become elitist about the particulars of coffee acquisition and preparation. Divergent individual preferences is a good thing; it contributes to an intricate and vast range of experiences with Nectar of the Good Bean.
The one exception to this inclusivity is of course decaf.
Never decaf. Never ever never never.